The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Can I color on your dick again?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
