I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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