When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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