College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
