i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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