ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
