are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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