Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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