I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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