Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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