i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize