bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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