she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
