Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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