I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
