thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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