The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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