did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
