Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
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