oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
