her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
