Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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