All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
