I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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