the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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