party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
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you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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