I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
