Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
