Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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