someone threw a dead crab at me
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
