I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
