Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
