So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
