I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
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There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
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If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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