Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
