tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
