so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
