I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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