That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Randomize
