2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
It's Friday. Sex?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
