can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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