wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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