we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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