i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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