Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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