After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
