Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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