Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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