can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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