??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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