Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Fuck appropriateness.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
