Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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