If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
