yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
