why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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