Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
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Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
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Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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