I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
