if only i could text you this smell
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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