before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
