And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
We got so high we made milksteak
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
