I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Operation Purity has been aborted
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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