Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
