I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
