I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
