I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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