I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You need a sexual gate keeper
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
