totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
