That's intense
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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