so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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