Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
