I'm lost and stupid without you.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
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