I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Randomize
