i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
