why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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