you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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