Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Found the puke drawer
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
