never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
