Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
