I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
