Apparently you make a good broom.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Randomize
