well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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