So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
