The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
