why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
