it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
