Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
